The Mystery Of The Smirking President

I suppose I was a little mean yesterday, so I was thinking of nice things to say about E for today.  For example, he's decorated our apartment beautifully, and even though half the furniture is inexpensive poopie-doo from IKEA and Hold Everything!, the other half is from overpriced boutique furniture stores in the meatpacking district - and you'd never guess which half is which! 

And although I made fun of it, I happen to like his singing, even though he doesn't hit all the notes in such a way that the tune is necessarily identifiable, he's still making what might be termed "a joyful noise," and in the absence of the Lord - or Linda Hunt - that means he's making a joyful noise unto me, and that's something to be thankful for, isn't it?  As long as you're me, of course.

And he says all sorts of nice things to me, it's just that they don't make for very interesting postings, you see, so I generally haven't mentioned them.  Ever.  But that doesn't mean it's not happening! 

I don't want you, constant reader, to get the impression that there's some sort of Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf-type scene playing out in our (beautifully appointed) apartment or anything like that.  I mean, I do stumble around in a pilled-up stupor, don't get me wrong, but it's not E's fault.

You see, what happened was that I was playing cards on a cruise ship, and Liz Taylor stumbled up in a cloud of mist that made her look almost young again, and she said, "These have always brought me luck!" and tossed a big handful of Quaaludes down on the table.  I was hoping for diamonds, but then after that I didn't really care, and everything's been soft and fuzzy around the edges ever since!  Good times!

Where are your shoes, Liz?  Did you leave them in the hotel room?

Whaaaaaaaa?

Yesterday I went to Brooklyn and  helped Solomon and his boyfriend move from their former large apartment into their extremely large and spacious new apartment next door.  I'm jealous of their new refrigerator, as it's nearly twice the width of my refrigerator.  You could easily hide a body in it if you wanted, and you'd still have room left over for a rump roast. 

As expected, it was a bit of a workout going up and down all the stairs, but one just feels so much more productive than you would doing the same exercises at the gym, if the gym had a "lifting bags of clothing" machine.  It's too bad you can't work out some sort of system where you just conscript laborers from the Stairmasters at the gym into helping you move, isn't it?  Just tell them, "It's good for the abs!  Put that lamp in the study, and don't scratch the walls!"

That would be nice.

We had a break for a bento box at a local Japanese eatery, and it was like stepping into a time machine, because it's apparently still Christmastime in Japan.  They had a tree with lights and everything and they played the Carol Of the Bells.  Why not?

Yesterday I realized that we haven't had a terror alert since...why, it seems like we haven't had a terror alert since before the election.  Isn't that funny?  Even Bushie the Second should be smart enough to throw another one out there soon, just to keep up appearances and all.  Wouldn't want to give the public the impression that they were just an attempt at instilling fear into the populace in order to get them to vote for you, now, would you?

And I guess I must be dumb, because I really don't understand the point of another inauguration - did the last one wear off?

"Ah do sollumly swahr to uphold and defend the Constitution...aaaand maybe fix it up a little if I can."

If  he makes gay marriage unconstitutional, will Star Jones have to return the wedding gifts?  Think about it - I haven't!

That is all.