In Which I Am Humbled Before Greatness

I have returned from my fun trip to visit Todd in LA, and work has piled up to a remarkable height, despite the fact that our office was closed the whole time - who knew?

Sooooo today's entry is very short - while visiting Todd, we happened to watch one of his roommate's skillions of DVDs, the DVD of The Apple, which is, coincidently, the very worst movie ever made. It's fantastic. It makes Showgirls look like Sophie's Choice. Now that I think about it, maybe Showgirls IS Sophie's Choice....hmmm, I'll have to think about that. We also watched Can't Stop The Music, which - in comparison to The Apple - seems like a quiet meditation - a tone poem, perhaps? - a rumination on coming to terms with the self.

After watching The Apple, I rushed to the toilet to vomit, but all that came out was glitter.

Anyway, while looking up IMDB messages and Amazon reviews, I chanced upon this reviewer, Tim Edstrom, who has written quite possibly the funniest reviews ever - here's a sample:

Normally, the duality of man is an exploration performed within one person. Yet, the Olsen twins, the highly talented tandem of Mary Kate and Ashley, are themselves a dual representation of duality, the former as good and the latter as evil. New York Minute is not a lament about childhood experiences, but rather an interesting celebration of awareness. Not only is the story compelling, the script is exceptional.

And another:

Air Bud 3 is Orwellian brilliance: in the style of the George Orwell classic Animal Farm, human actors are put into an animal form to create an allegory that within this film is nothing if not overtly transparent.

As you might imagine, on THIS sort of a scale, Citizen Kane got two stars, and The Apple gets five. Haute! Read them and weep. If I was this funny, I would explode. Either he's the cleverest review writer ever, or he's German.

That is all.